a joke "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling"

[Frank]

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
(from Mark Twain)

I was just trying to convert the following into something one could read
(before year one)


For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be
replased either by "k" or "s"and likewise "x"would no longer be part of the
alphabet. The only kase in which "c"would be retained would be the "ch"
formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w"spelling,
so that "which"and "one"would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might
well abolish "y"replasing it with "i"and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali
wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai
iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai
Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez
"c","y"and "x"-- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu
riplais "ch","sh"and "th"rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov
orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe
Ingliy-spiking werld.



so far I have

For example, in
Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replaced either by "k"
or "s"and likewise "x"would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only case
in which "c"would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be
dealt with later.
Year 2 might reform "w"spelling, so that "which" and "one"would take the
same consonant, while
Year 3 might well abolish "y"replacing it with "i"and
year 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomaly wonse and for all. Generally, then, the
improvement would continue year by year with
Year 5 doing away with useless double consonants, and
Years 6-12 or so modifying vowel and the rimeining voist and unvoist
consonants. By
Year 15 or so, it would finally be possible tu meik ius ov thi ridandant
letez "c","y"and "x"-- by now just a memory in the maindz ov ould doderez --
tu riplais "ch","sh"and "th"rispektivli. Finally, xen, aafte sam 20 Years ov
orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt spelling in ius xrewawt xe
English-speaking world.



It seems to me not to make sense I find it hard to do the last bit

[T Dave R]

Frank Wrote:-

so far I have

For example, in
Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replaced either by "k"
or "s"and likewise "x"would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only case
in which "c"would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be
dealt with later.
Year 2 might reform "w"spelling, so that "which" and "one"would take the
same consonant, while
Year 3 might well abolish "y"replacing it with "i"and
year 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomaly wonse and for all. Generally, then, the
improvement would continue year by year with
Year 5 doing away with useless double consonants, and
Years 6-12 or so modifying vowel and the rimeining voist and unvoist
consonants. By
Year 15 or so, it would finally be possible tu meik ius ov thi ridandant
letez "c","y"and "x"-- by now just a memory in the maindz ov ould doderez --
tu riplais "ch","sh"and "th"rispektivli. Finally, xen, aafte sam 20 Years ov
orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt spelling in ius xrewawt xe
English-speaking world.

I think,

Years 6-12 or so modifying vowel and the remaining "Voiced?" and "unvoiced"
consonants.

By year 15 or so it would finally be posible to make use of the redundant
letters C, Y and X - by now just a memory in the minds of old dodderers.

To replace "ch", "sh" and "th" respectively.

Finally then, after some 20 years of Orthographical (??) reform we would
have a logigal, coherent spelling in ue throughout the english speaking
world.


Probably a few errors in there, maybe someoen else can add to it and we'l
ger a full answer.

T Dave R.

i believe it goes

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British and American government conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement. Consequently, they have
adopted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as European English
(Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft
"c."

Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c"
will be replased with "k." Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f." This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will encourage the removal of double leters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they woud go. By the fourth
year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by
"v." During ze fifz yer, ze unesasary "o" kan be droped from vords
containing "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinatins of leters.

Und after ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vonted in ze
first plas.