2006-05-03 07:14:44 UTC
OH THOSE COPS!!
- At a high-school basketball game in February, Oklahoma City
Police officer Eldridge Wyatt became dissatisfied that no fouls
were being called on "No. 21" and walked onto the court to point
out the player's elbowing to the referees. When referee Stan
Guffey told Wyatt to leave the officiating to him, Wyatt arrested
Guffey. Guffey was unarrested a few minutes later so that the game
could continue, but when a reporter asked Wyatt after the game what
had happened, Wyatt tried to arrest him, too.
PAY ATTENTION DUDES!
- Lynne F. Herron, 33, was hired recently as a municipal bus
driver in Cleveland by the Regional Transit Authority. She had
just been fired as a municipal train driver after an accident that
injured 14 people, which she caused by deliberately disengaging a
safety system. The city's labor contract requires that anyone
fired for a train accident be rehired as a bus driver.
- A West Chester, Pa., urologist reported in an issue of
`Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality' last year that a man had
checked himself into an emergency room with pain resulting from a
swollen and apparently lacerated scrotum. Days after the doctor
repaired the patient's condition, the man confided that he had been
masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of
a piece of machinery at work during his lunch hour when he leaned
too close as he approached orgasm and suffered an industrial
accident. He then used a heavy duty stapling gun to close the
- Motorcyclist David Gripon was injured in a collision near
Escondito, Calif., in July when he lost control of his bike on
Interstate 15. As Gripon came alongside a car with bare feet
sticking out of the passenger window, he reached out to tickle them
and ran into the car in front of him.
- Montesano, Wash., government prosecutor Steward Menefee
announced in November that he would not seek a tougher penalty
against convicted murderer Lee Bake, because the required
"aggravated circumstances" were not present. Bake had gouged the
victim's eyes with a screwdriver, stabbed her to death, and drunk
- Malaysian Deputy Interior Minister Megat Junid Ayob told an
anti-drug conference in January in Kuala Lampur that shortages in
heroin and cannabis have caused some addicts to get high by
sniffing fresh cow dung. Addicts put a coconut shell over the
party, with a hole at the top for sniffing.
- Recently in a New York City supermarket, according to a `New
York Daily News' story, a customer became upset that another woman
was abusing the maximum limit for items at an express checkout line
and precipitated a loud argument, which culminated with the angry
woman shouting at the queue-abuser, "I spit into your groceries."
the alleged queue-abuser was the wife of reputed mobster John
Gotti. Victoria Gotti said she "used connections" to trace the
woman's license plate, went to the woman's home, and dumped a box
of dog feces on her.
- In December, Washington State Reformatory officials they had
erred in obliging a 53 year old inmate's job preference to work in
the prison's printing plant. He was serving time for forgery, and
officials uncovered, during a routine inspection of his quarters,
forged birth certificates, marriage licenses, and a paycheck stub.
An official said the prison tries to get inmates jobs "based on
AS IN REAL WEIRD
- Transsexual Baroness Maria Thyssen von Hexun, formerly James
Gonzales, was sentenced to four years in prison in Denver in
October, for bilking an elderly woman out of several thousand
dollars. As her sentence was pronounced, the 6 foot, 220 pound
baroness rolled her eyes and objected, "I've been involved with
nothing but a bunch of jerks. They don't listen. They lose
things." Her attorney told the judge that "these things happen,"
referring to the baroness' fantasies that she was a baroness.
- Prison escapee James Sanders was captured by federal agents
at his home in Stinnett, Texas, in January after 17 years on the
lam, during which he had established a new life, married, and
fathered a daughter. Agents were tipped off when Sanders, out of
curiosity, telephoned the FBI to ask whether they were still
pursuing James Sanders.
MAJOR BAD SPORT
- In February, Marc Cienkowski, 26, confessed to the murder last
July of his friend, Michael Klucznik, 31, in Doylestown Borough,
Pa., after a dispute over a game of Monopoly. Cienkowski shot
Klucznik through the heart, using a bow and arrow. According to
the district attorney, "[Cienkowski] wanted to be the car rather
than the thimble or the hat."
- The Reverend Glen Summerford was convicted in February of
attempted murder of his wife in Scottsboro, Alabama. A jury found
that he had forced his wife to stick her hand into a cage of
rattlesnakes (which he handles in his services at his Church of
Jesus With Following Signs in addition to drinking strychnine and
touching live electrical wires), saying that she had to die because
he wanted to marry another woman. Much of the trial testimony
concerned which of the spouses had sinned or "backslid" more.
(While Summerford was in jail, his inadequately supervised
parishioner, Clyde Crossfield, was bitten on both hands by a
rattlesnake he was handling.)
SUE `EM ALL!!
- Scott D. Carpenter, 27, filed a lawsuit in September against
the management company of Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh and
its chief concessionaire because they allowed him to buy too many
beers during a 1989 Steelers game and then failed to warn him about
the danger of riding on escalator handrails, on which he was
injured in a drunken fall.
- In Tacoma, Washington, Christine Lauritzen filed a lawsuit
against her husband, Bret, last year for negligence that subjected
her to injury. Bret's error was in ignoring Christine's driving
instructions: During a visit to Miami, Florida, they wound up in
a bad section of town, where they were eventually robbed and where
she suffered a severe arm injury.
- A newspaper in Ireland reported in February that 38 Irish
soccer fans recently won a lawsuit against two bus companies that
had caused them to miss the 1990 World Cup games in Italy. They
sued because the bus drivers drove too slowly (an average of 20
mph) on two trips, causing them to miss one game and to miss a
scheduled ferry that would have transported them to another game.
- Takashi Nakayama, 25, filed a lawsuit in December in a court
in Niigata, Japan, against his mother and grandmother, seeking
about $1,548 in damages because his grandmother had thrown out his
comic-book collection without his consent and his mother had failed
to stop her.
POLITICOS FROM HELL
- Magoo Dorcy, 42, announced his candidacy for mayor of Dover,
Delaware, despite having pleaded guilty in Columbus, Ohio, three
years ago for molesting a 5 year old girl.
- Harold W. "Tony" Glacken was charged last year with running
a fraudulent auto-inspection scheme. Upon announcing his candidacy
for sheriff in St Louis, Missouri, recently, Glacken said, "I just
decided it was time I get involved and get this community
straightened out. I'm tired of all the [county's] bad publicity."
- In Salem, Oregon, former Baptist minister Joe Lutz withdrew
from the U.S. Senate race in January, saying that his "family
values" campaign had lost credibility because he had abandoned his
wife to marry another woman and reportedly was $2,000 behind in
child support payments.
- Donald L. Traxler, newly installed mayor of Ada, Ohio, and
education professor at Ohio Northern University, declared in
December that he would take office later in the month, as
scheduled, despite his December 13 arrest when rangers observed him
masturbating at a local park.
- Sherman T. Miller, running for sheriff in Van Buren County in
southeastern Iowa, was jailed in March, suspected by authorities
to be part of a burglary ring that had been stealing farm
equipment. Said Miller, "It's just a bunch of political nonsense
to take me out of the race."
- Poin Adams, candidate for sheriff in Amarillo, Texas, was
found guilty in 1990 of fraud for tampering with his vehicle
inspection sticker. He had crudely drawn a "1" on his windshield,
to obscure the "0" in 1990, so that his sticker would appear to be
valid in 1991.
OH RAMI, GET REAL JOB!!
- On October 12, a clerk on duty at a convenience store in
Abilene, Texas, was persuaded by a man to accept a $100 bill that
was accurately printed (1950 series) in every detail -- except that
it was 12 inches long and 5 inches wide.
- Last fall, two men holed up in the Maine State Library in
Augusta for two months in makeshift living quarters that a security
official said included "everything you could think of," before they
were discovered. Andre V. Jatho, 20, was charged with burglary,
but the other man moved out. For sustenance, the two men had
looted various state supply rooms (taking an unusually large
quantity of pudding).
- Theaters in North Carolina recently began showing, as a short
feature, a state-funded film advocating teenage sexual abstinence.
In "The Power To Create Life," a teenage couple in a car are
contemplating having sex until the sky lights up and an alien
emperor implores, "You have the power to create life. Don't abuse
it!" The kids decide to go to a movie instead.
- Minneapolis prosecutors were expecting a long and difficult
child molesting trial against Robert G. Swan because the
incriminating photographs they had of him blurred his face. Then,
in January, his wife brought Swan, who was in jail, a fresh change
of clothing for his court appearance, giving him the very articles
he was wearing in the photographs. After the clothing turned up,
Swan quickly pleaded guilty.
- Xavier Hunter, 26, was arrested in Chicago in December of
robbing the Citibank Federal Savings Bank. Unknown to him,
President Bush was speaking at the Chicago Board of Trade, less
than a block away, at the time, and the neighborhood was thus full
of police officers. As Hunter exited the bank, the chemical dye
pack in his bounty exploded, alerting the many nearby officers, who
chased him down despite his futile attempt to abandon the money by
throwing it into the air as he ran.
- In St Louis in January, Thomas Hall pulled into what looked
like a fast food restaurant's drive thru to place an order.
However, the drive thru speaker he yelled into was an intercom
stand at the Area III St Louis police station. An officer came out
and arrested Hall for DUI. (The next day, after Hall's arrest made
local news, DJ "Wacky Pat" Fortune drove up to the same intercom
stand to out a gag for his listeners. However, an officer checked
Fortune out on the computer, discovered unpaid traffic violations,
and arrested him as a fugitive.)
- James Bridgewater, 32, was arrested in Kankakee, Illinois,
after a mishap at the First of America Bank's drive-in window. He
was carrying two white sacks, one containing money for deposit and
the other containing two grams of marijuana and rolling papers.
He put the wrong bag in the pneumatic tube.
TEACHER FROM HELL
- To quell unruly seventh graders in Irvington, New Jersey, in
February, substitute teacher Monique Bazile, 57, cast a voodoo
spell on the class. According to pupils, Bazile began shaking and
chanting, threw ritual powder on the kids, and warned them that
their houses would burn down because of their rowdiness. Criminal
charges of endangering the welfare of a child and making
terroristic threats were brought against her.
- Milford, Utah, high-school teacher Cherry Florence was fired
in February for an indiscretion. According to the local board of
education, after the school, for health reasons, interviewed
students individually as to their level of sexual activity,
Florence released to her classes a list of which of the school's
170 teenagers were virgins.
- Acting Principal Steven Stocker, 31, voted Fredericksburg,
Virginia, outstanding young educator in 1988, was arrested in
January after he engaged a 9 year old girl in what the district
attorney called a servant-master game. Stocker, the servant, had
allegedly kissed the girl's feet and sucked her toes.
- The board of education in Worthington Hills, near Columbus,
Ohio, disciplined teacher Alan Brady in February on charges that
he poked a student teacher in her backside with a fork and that he
had third-graders line up and jump on and hit a fellow student who
had been bad.
- Immokalee, Florida, substitute teacher, Krystal Gail Allen,
was fired in January after parents complained that she described
her sex life in great detail to an eighth-grade geography class and
invited students to share their own tales with her. One student
had recorded the class.
- In January, burglars at Rich's department store in Salem,
Massachusetts, were forced to flee empty handed after the welding
torch they were using to break into a safe accidentally ignited the
money inside, causing a fire and setting off the store's smoke
- Daniel Hendricks, 34, of St Louis, was charged in February
with several counts of aggravated battery in Tampa for ramming at
least six cars on an interstate highway and forcing others off the
road as he sped at 100mph toward nearby Clearwater, Florida, where
Barbara Bush was speaking. Hendricks told police he had to warn
Mrs. Bush that Saddam Hussein was preparing to invade the U.S.
I SAY FRY HIM !!
- Montique Ramon Brown, 18, surrendered to Richmond, Virginia,
police in March, telling them he was the one who had shot a man to
death at 12:05 AM on January 1st. He told police he did it because
he wanted to be the person who committed Richmond's first murder
- A 31 year old man turned himself in to Anchorage, Alaska,
police in January claiming to be the fugitive "Dr Diaper," who
has been appearing at local day care centers in diapers and
trying to get them to take him in. Two years before, Dr Diaper
contracted with a baby sitter by phone, claiming to be the parent
of an 18 year old boy who had the mentality of a toddler, needed
to be changed and fed, and whose bad habits (Masturbating in
public) should be ignored. When the sitter arrived, the giant
baby was Dr Diaper himself. On another occasion, a prospective
baby sitter said Dr Diaper had come to her door once carrying his
own 3 year old son because he could not find a real baby sitter
for the boy while he went out on his escapade.
MAMA, HOW DO I STOP ?
- Richard Smith, 31, celebrated his release from jail in March
with a dinner at the Tara Hyannis Hotel in Massachusetts. He had
served 90 days for running out on nine restaurant tabs last
summer. He was promptly arrested again, for running out on the
$28 check at the Tara.
- John Fogleman, 30, serving time for rape in Ft. Lauderdale,
Fla, was arrested in November for making obscene telephone calls
from inside the jail.
- Mahad Omar, 22, who is imprisoned for robbery and assault in
Kingston, Ontario, but who had been given a one day pass in
December to attend a religious ceremony, was returned to jail
before the day was over for robbing a woman at knife point in St.
Michael's Cathedral in Toronto.
TOO WAY COOL
- James L Ramey, 53, of Clyde, North Carolina, was charged
with assault in November after a 15 minute brawl at the rural
Full Gospel Holiness Church. The brawl began when one person
wanted to sit in the back pew, which was occupied, as usual, by a
church regular. The minister's son suffered a bite to the neck
that required ***31*** stitches.
- Aerospace engineer Dean Harvey Hicks of Costa Mesa, Calif,
was sentenced to 20 years in prison in February as a result of
his conviction for launching aerial bombs at one Internal
Revenue Service building and trying to blow up three others in
1991. Hicks had become distraught that the IRS had refused to
allow him to a tax deduction for an $8,000 donation to a "mail
- In Quebec City, Canada, in February, Serge Pouliot was
sentenced to 18 months in prison for assaulting his supervisor,
who had threatened to turn Pouliot in for sleeping at work. Both
men operate a X-Ray machine at a shipyard, where Pouliot
committed the assault by severely X-Raying the supervisor,
subjecting him to the equivalent of 20 years of on the job
- In Nashwauk, Minn, Hibbing Community College beat St Paul
Bible, 85-6, in football in September, amassing 764 yards total
offense by passing on every single play. It would have been
worse, but St Paul Bible was in a "prevent" defense the entire
- Among the rituals of Atlanta Braves minor-league pitcher
Turk Wendell in 1991: He always crosses the foul line with a
kangaroo jump; demands that the umpire roll the ball to him to
start the game; chew licorice on the mound and brushes his teeth
every inning; occasionally makes a pick-off throw to first base -
- with no runners on; and once carried a camera to the mound in
his pocket, took it out, and snapped a picture of the batter
before pitching to him.
WHAT I'LL DO FOR A BUCK
- Earl H. Brockington was convicted in February of robbery in
Kansas City, Mo, for an incident a year ago. He had taken a
woman's purse (containing only $5) in a parking garage, then
accidentally nicked the woman with his knife, provoking her to
scream, whereupon four men chased him, forcing him to leap from a
parking deck 25 feet to the ground, injuring his leg. He managed
to hobble to, and climb under, a parked car, but the owner of the
car got in a few minutes later, started it up, and ran over
Brockington's feet, breaking several bones.
- Gregory Putman, 42, a veteran sheriff's deputy who had been
on inactive status since 1984 after a heart transplant, was
disciplined in November by an Oregon City, Ore, judge, who lifted
Putman's license to carry a concealed weapon. Putman, apparently
frustrated at being shelved from "active" status, had modified
his car so that it would resemble a state patrol car and had
allegedly stopped at least three motorists on his own to lecture
them on lawful behavior. Putman said later that he had "let the
old days get the best of me."
JUST ASSHOLE WEIRD
- Richard Paul Joseph, 51, was charged with the murder of his
adopted 17 year old daughter in San Bernardino, Calif, in
December. He had become upset that she was abandoning the name
he and his wife had given her, Dee Dee, in favor of Desiree.
- John Dawson, 26, was arrested in South St. Paul, Minn, in
February after the failure of his alleged elaborate scheme to
have sex. Police say he broke into a young woman's apartment
just before she arrived, left her a note on the kitchen table,
then undressed, put duct tape over his eyes, and handcuffed
himself to her bed. In the note were instructions that she was
to go into her bedroom immediately and have sex with him because
a man with a gun had kidnaped him and was waiting to kill yet
another person if she refused. Instead, she ran to the police,
and Dawson, who had left the key to his chains on the kitchen
table, could not free himself before they arrived.
PEOPLE WITH NO LIVES OF THEIR OWN
- The San Francisco watchdog organization Consumer Action
warned in January that adult 900 telephone services often defraud
their customers by promising more explicit sexual conversation
than they deliver: "Despite highly suggestive titles and pictures
of half-naked women in many ads," wrote Consumer Action, "the
services provided tame, non-sexual conversation."
- The week of April 26 thru May 2 was Sky Awareness Week in
Pennsylvania. The sponsoring legislator said the week is
intended to recognize all that goes on in the sky, including
rain, wind, light, temperature, and the "interrelationship
between phenomena in the sky and the Earth's landscape."
- Conceptual artist Linda M. Montano performed at the
University of Texas for three nights in November by sitting on a
sawhorse next to some campus horse statues from midnight to 7 AM.
She said she was fulfilling a wish she had as a child to run away
to Texas and ride a horse while listening to Richard Strauss' Der
- Actress Melanie Griffith, 34, telling an interviewer about
how her role as a Jewish secretary during WWII in the movie
Shining Through opened her eyes: "I didn't know that 6 million
Jews were killed. That's alot of people!"
- Last year, a Buena Vista Pictures production executive bowed
to pressure from the Humane Association of Los Angeles and had a
scene cut from a movie version of White Fang, in which a wolf
attacked a man. Said a Humane Association executive, "I was very
concerned about that [attack scene] being an anti-wolf
- Magician Doug Henning, on announcing plans that he and the
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi were planning a 1,500 acre theme park near
Niagara Falls, which would also emphasize "awakening human
consciousness," explained to the New York Times why this theme
park would be different than others: "Most theme parks are
GIVE ME A BREAK!!
- Dr. Samson Dubrin, 28, responding to evidence against him in
the murder of a 20 year old woman in Vista, Calif, in March, told
a judge that he had not chloroformed her into unconsciousness;
rather, Dubrin said, she must have passed out when her car passed
a chemical truck somewhere on the highway.
- Latest Reporter Claiming Immunity from Prostitution Arrest:
Robert H. Wilds, 39, a TV reporter in Knoxville, pleaded no
contest to soliciting a prostitute in November but said, "What
was in my mind was [not to have sex but] to interview her for a
- Robert Austin, 33, was suspected by Minneapolis police of
being the "gorilla gunman" who robbed local retail stores in
January while wearing a gorilla mask. Police got their biggest
lead when a maskless Austin robbed the MGM liquor store
Warehouse: Austin forced the clerk into the office to get money
and only halfway through the robbery remembered to put the mask
he was carrying on.
- Elmwood Park, NJ, principal Samuel R. Bracigliano, 49,
recently on trial for molesting teenage boys, repeatedly denied
the charges in spite of mounting evidence. He denied that the
extensive collection of pornography the police seized from his
home was for his sexual pleasure, even though a jar of Vaseline
was found with the materials, along with pieces of paper,
discovered in videotape boxes, containing numbers which
corresponded to the VCR counter numbers at the which sex scenes
began. Bracigliano said he is a serious photographer of nudes
and planned use nude Polaroids that police found of teenage boys
for a display collage and to bring it to school as an example of
his work. "I was doing my best work yet when I was arrested."
- Georgina Thompson, 37, was charged in Wellington, Kansas, in
March with soliciting two men to murder her common-law husband.
Her promised payment was her husband's collection of baseball
cards. The two men reported her to police and turned over the
down payment she had made of 10 of the cards. Said the deputy
sheriff about the offer of baseball cards, "That's about as mean
as a wife can get. The only thing lower would have been if she
offered his hunting and fishing gear."
TAKE THE FIFTH!!
- Bruce Damon, attempting to work a plea bargain in February
to charges that he knocked off a bank in Whitman, Mass, argued to
the judge that the eight to fifteen year term suggested by the
prosecutor was way too long. First of all, Damon said, when he
robbed a bank in 1987, he only got three to five years.
Secondly, he said, citing an article from the Brockston
Enterprise newspaper, the bank had enjoyed record earnings
despite the robbery and expected to do well in 1992 also. Said
Damon, "I didn't hurt this bank at all." When the judge asked
Damon if he would rob banks again if he were free, Damon replied,
"I'd like to plead the Fifth Amendment on that." The judge
refused to accept the plea and scheduled Damon for trial.
DOES IT EVER END??
- Columbian garbage collector Oscar Hernandez claimed in March
that he was kidnaped by security guards during the Carnival in
Barranquilla and taken to a lab at the Free University of
Barranquilla, where a syndicate planned to kill him for his body
parts. A police investigation then turned up 11 bodies, and
parts of 22 others, and a report that body bounty hunters
received $200 per person. Police identified most of the victims
as being garbage collectors.
- The International Amateur Athletics Federation recently
changed its procedures to perform gender checks on female
athletes. For 25 years, the Federation had used a chromosome
smear test but decided late last year it will merely make visual
inspections. The Federation explained that the chromosome test
was "ethically unacceptable."
- The official Iran news agency announced in March that men
who left the country before 1989, and feared returning home
because they would be drafted, could buy a military exemption for
about $16,000 (representing about 30 years work at the minimum
wage in Iran). Officials promise that if a man pays and then
volunteers to serve, he'll get his money back.
- A rush-hour traffic jam in Kansas City, Mo, in March caused
when a truck carrying remaindered pornographic magazines to a
recycling center overturned on a busy street. about 2,000
magazines were scattered about, and drivers stopped their cars to
gather as many as they could before moving on.
- In February, a court in Versailles, France, overturned an
order banning dwarf tossing, permitting 3'11" Manuel Wackenheim,
24, to return to work at the Eclipse nightclub in Morsang-sur-
Orge, from which he had been banned by the mayor in October.
Though the minister of the French Interior had called such
exhibitions "an intolerable attack on human dignity," the
government finally acquiesced because the ban would deny a
"physically different" person a chance at a livelihood.
- An 81 year old woman died of severe burns in Columbia, Mo,
in December, after a 15 mile ambulance ride took too long to save
her life. The hospital's emergency helicopter was not made
available because it was being used on a public relations
assignment, with one of the crew members dressed as Santa Claus.
- The Manitoba, Canada, Natural Resources minister apologized
in February when news got out that her government had saved
$1,800 in postage by mailing a fishing survey through the US
mails rather than through Canada's. Clerks had gone to Grand
Forks, N.D. about 100 miles from the border, to mail the surveys
to several thousand US anglers who use Manitoba waters.
- Paul Gamboa Taylor pled guilty in December to murdering his
wife and four others near York PA, six months earlier. He told
police he had tried to take his own life five times before
turning himself in. He had slashed both his wrists with a
hacksaw; drunk lighter fluid; plunged a knife into his chest;
filled a bathtub with water, hoping to pass out and drown; and
brought a hair dryer into the tub with him. Said Taylor, "I love
my family; that's why I plead guilty."
- In April, Richard Dickinson, 25, was allowed out of prison
in Hobart, Australia, on an evening pass with two chaperons, to
attend a concert by his idol, Bob Dylan. Dickinson is in a
prison for the criminally insane because in 1987 he stomped his
mother to death to the tune of Dylan's song "One More Cup of
Coffee for the Road," after she told him to turn down the music.
He said he thought his mom was an evil character from the song
and even sprinkled instant coffee over her body after she died.
- Isbrain Marquez Pacheco, 53, was indicted in March for
attempted murder of his wife of three weeks, in East Windsor, NJ.
According to police, Pacheco said he beat her with a baseball bat
after she refused his demand that she not attend a friend's baby
shower. Said Pacheco, "If I had killed her, I would have no
regret" because he was "offended by what she said to me."
- At the 80th birthday calebration for Kim Il-sug, the North
Korean dictator received as gifts a container of blood from 800
snapping turtles (considered an aphrodisiac) from his son, and a
quilt and sleeping mat made of down from the necks of 700,000
sparrows. A 100-room museum houses over 87,000 presents given to
him during his 44 year reign. (A gift from a correspondent for
the British Broadcasting Corp was politely refused by North
Korean officials because, first, it was merely a BBC sweatshirt,
and second, it wasn't gift-wrapped.)
ON THE BLOTTER:
- From the "Police" column of the Brooklyn Park (Minn) Sun-Post:
An officer found a quarter in the seat of a squad car. The coin
was inspected, inventoried, tagged, and logged in as required.
- Keven E. Tibbs, 21, was arrested in Brunswick Md in February.
According to Officer Robin Purdum, Tibbs had attempted to steal a
parking meter and was trying to conceal it in his pants when he
- Randall Eugene Davis, who has only one leg, was arrested in
Clarinda, Iowa, in March, suspected of stealing a truck. The
truck contained several animals, among which was a Labrador
retriever with only three legs.
- From the "Police Report" column of the Kerville (Texas) Daily
Times: a 23 year old man was arrested for assault on a police
officer when he allegedly tried to gore an off-duty officer with
deer antlers strapped to his bicycle handlebars. The man had
become angry after the officer had tried to stop him from running
into the street.
- Last September, Michigan state trooper Fred Sweeney pursued a
speeder doing 101 mph on a state road. Although the speeder had
a head start, Sweeney came upon his abandoned car in a private
driveway. Looking around, he noticed that in a nearby field, all
the cows were clustered together and seemed to be staring at one
particular spot on the ground. When Sweeney approached the cows,
he found the driver of the car attempting to hide in the tall
grass and arrested him.
- Mary Ann Linder of Nashville was arrested for shoplifting at a
Victoria's Secret store. When asked by clerks in a dressing room
to hand over the stolen items, Linder stripped off $1,400 worth
of lingerie and was released to police. In the back seat of the
squad car **how did they FIND these?????** it was discovered that
she still had two more pairs of stolen underpants and several
hangers not recovered by the store employees. At the jail,
guards found $300 worth of even more stolen clothing on her.
final tally: 30 panties, 20 bras, 4 robes, and one pair of men's
- From the "Police Beat" of the Upper Arlinton (Ohio) News: A
woman who lives in the 1900 block of Tremont Road reported to
police that while she was watching cable television at 11:15 PM,
saturday, the channel changed to a pay-per-view adult movie.
After it happened again, she told the police she spotted two
teenage boys outside her living room window holding a romote
control. She said the boys fled on foot.
- Gilbert DaSilva, 46, was arrested in Peabody, Mass, a week
after he assaulted another man during a heated argument in Greg's
Lounge over which of the men had the larger penis. When the
victem exposed himself to prove his claim, DsSilva slashed the
man's organ, but the man was able to get to the hospital in time
to save it.
- In December, a 51 year old man with no criminal record was
referred to psychiatrists after being picked up by police in
Parma, Ohio. He had just purchased 19 guns from K-Mart, told the
clerk "not to come out tonight" and paid $7,000 for fabric at
another store after telling her that it was for "covering up
bodies." Parma police recognized the man as the one picked up
the week before: Spotted placing donuts on headstones at a local
cemetary, the man explained, "People get hungry." Said a police
officer, "We could of had a real disaster here."
- Peter Robert Arnoldi was apprehended shortly after
burglarizing the Co-op Oil Association office in Nicollet, Minn.
His arrest was fascilitated by the fact that his checkbook (with
drivers license inside) had slipped out during his hasty get-
away. Arresting officer Don Wersal, who found Arnoldi hiding in
a truck near his home, said he told Arnoldi, "I've got your
checkbook," to which Arnoldi replied "Yeah, I know. I'm fucked,
- One man was shot in the head and another was critically
injured in a subway car in Queens, NY after a gunfight.
According to witnesses, the melee was precipitated when one of
the men accidentally stepped on the other's foot.
- Havard University and McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass, have
established a center to analyse tissue from the brains of people
who die after having suffered from mental illnesses. However,
physicians have encountered trouble getting mentally ill patients
to agree to donate their brains. Asked one physician, "How do
you ask someone to donate his brain to science who thinks their
brain is under the control of radio waves from Mars?"
JUDGE 'EM ON THEIR OWN STANDINGS
- Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in
Brookings, SD, for drunk driving, explained to the judge, "I
enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most
pleasurable habits I've had."
- The title of Dr. June Stephenson's new book (Diemer/Smith,
$20) on why crime is essentially a male pursuit, running $300
billion a year: Men Are Not Cost Effective.
- According to Salt Lake City police, a 27 year old woman called
911 because her husband refused to have sex with her. By the
time the police arrived, the nearly nude woman had begun beating
her husband, who offered as his reason for lack of desire an
exciting Utah Jazz basketball game on TV.
- Coshocton, Ohio, high-school band director Charles Carothers,
denying allegations that he sat two female students on his lap
and fondled them: "I don't allow anyone to sit on my lap unless
it's my daughter or my wife."
- John Hurst, a disoriented man taken to a mental health center
after he was discovered propping a ladder up to the second floor
of the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach: "I'm looking for my
wife. I think she may be up there." **shit, why not? You know
- John F. Thanos, asked his sentencing preference after he had
been found guilty for a 1990 murder, had the choice, said the
judge, of the death penalty or "life in prison without the
possibility of parole." Thanos, failing to capture all the
details of the second choice, replied that he'd take the "life in
prison with the possibility of escape." The judge gave him the
PARENTS FROM HELL
- Donna Clark, 26, and Paul Kramer, 31, faced various charges in
Merchantville, NJ, when Clark allegedly grabbed $216 worth of
film and walked out a drugstore. The couple's names were
provided by their 6 year old son, who was in the store at the
time but who was forgotten by the couple as they were making
- According to police in Knoxville, Tenn, Bobby Rose, 36, trying
to avoid arrest for a traffic violation, threw his 2 year old
child at the feet of the officers to slow them down as he made
- Georgia state Rep. Henrietta Canty went on a hunger strike to
protest the arrest of her son, who was jailed for failing to make
court ordered child support payments.
- Tammie Guthrie, 28, was indicted for manslaughter in Baton
Rouge, La. Police said that she allowed her one year old to
drown in a bath tub while whe was in an adjacent room having sex
with a 15 year old boy.
- Milwaukee mayoral candidate Gregory Gracz, president of the
local firefighters union, was accused of having exposed himself
to a young female firefighter in an incident at a convention.
Gracz denied the charge, but Mellisa Fojtik staked her
credibility on her knowledge that Gracz has a distinctive mole on
his penis. Pojtik said also that one of Gracz's colleagues told
her that they were "musketeers" - that he, Gracz, and others
had "crossed penises" in a show of solidarity.
MORE STUPID PEOPLE
- David Thomas Soloman, 35, at the Clermont, Fla, police station
to file charges against his wife for hitting him, allegedly
became fixated on a bag of marijuana (confiscated in another
case) on Detective Danny Cheatham's desk and, according to
Cheatham, "literally begged me for it and stated he wouldn't tell
anyone where he got it." Cheatham then set up a hidden
microphone in another room, sold the drugs to Soloman there for
six bucks and then arrested him.
- Paul Arbitelle, 17, was charged with the attempted murder of
his mother in Danbury, Conn. He threw a hatchet at her because
she failed to properly toast the bagel for the sandwich she had
made for him.
A PLATEFULL OF SMOG?
- Scientists at the California Institute of Technology reported
recently that the hydrocarbons and other particulates released
when meat cooks accounts for one-fifth of the total particulates
in the air in Los Angeles -- more than is accounted for by either
gasoline of diesel engines.
- Tampa, Florida, school officials invited inmate Edward
McIntyre, serving 90 years for kidnapping and assault, to a local
high school to make an "inspirational speech" to students for Law
Day. While he was there, he managed to escape through a restroom
- Tommie Lee Jackson, 39, was charged in Santa Clara County,
California, with sexual assault after he decided to force a 20
year old woman to fellate him. She defended herself with her
teeth. On of Jackson's testicles is in custody (OUCH!!!) in a
plastic bag in the police property room. Said Detective Don
Bacon, "It's just another piece of evidence." Jackson said the
sex was consensual and that the woman simply couldn't take
- According to long-secret documents recently obtained by the
Canadian Press news agency, police in Ottowa tried during the
1960's to identify every gay man in the providence and to prove
their findings with a box they called the "fruit machine." Men
were shown the box, containing erotic photos, and measurements
were taken of each man's pupil size, palm sweat, and blood flow
in order to tell if he was turned on. Files were opend on 8,200
men and 395 were eventually kicked out of government service.
(Not a bad idea!!)
- In a January issue of the New England Journal of Medicine,
doctors in Australia reported on the puzzling case of a man who
periodically spat up blood, but only on Saturday and Sunday
nights. The doctors finally isolated the problem: The man is a
harmonica player at a local club, and his technique is to use his
tongue so vigorously that he ruptures blood vessels ("harmonica
- Responding to employee complaints, Kansas Bureau of
Investigation supervisors forced agent Scott Teeslink, the KBI
media spokesperson, to end his grooming practice of wearing
women's underpants in his coat's breast pocket in place of the
usual handkerchief. Teeslink said he engaged in the practice
only because the underpants better matched his tie.
DOES IT EVER END?
- Edward L. Hennessy retired after 12 years as chief executive
of the Allied-Signal conglomerate. Hennessy was so poorly
respected that his departure caused the value of Allied-Signal
stock to rise. In fact, the value of Hennessy's own stock in
Allied-Signal grew by over $7 million -- just because investors
believed the company would be better without him!
- The Southern California Air Quality Management District
reported that tree resin and sap pollute the air, accounting for
as much as 250 tons a day of "vegetation hydrocarbon."
- Eastern Airlines, out of business since declaring bankruptcy
in January 1991, is continuing to make campaign contributions
through its Political Action Committee, which still had about
$50,000 to spend as of early May.
- Nine year veteran Navy Petty Officer Francine Adams, out of
work for two days in Virginia Beach, Virginia, with a concussion
resulting from a fight with her boyfriend, was herself
reprimanded for the fight. A Navy official said Adams has
repeatedly sought counseling about relationships for four years.
- In May, Glamour magazine reported an error in its June issue
that had just hit the stands: The 500mg of boric acid tablets
three times a day with meals" to avoid yeast infections must be
taken vaginally, not orally. (Not just another hit - huh?)
- Louis Arnaud, 72, was set for trial in Wheeling, West
Virginia, in May in the murder of a local businessman, John G.
Christakis. Police said Arnaud's motive was his irritation at
how cluttered Christakis kept a warehouse formerly owned by
Arnaud. Arnaud's lawyer said Arnaud's defense is that his dog
implanted the idea in his mind that "the Greek [Christakis] must
die" when the dog stuck its tongue inside Arnaud's mouth during a
- In June, John Richard Nosler was convicted of shooting Armando
Marra to death in 1990 because Marra was insufficiently grateful
for the loaf of bread Nosler had bought him in San Francisco.
Nosler, according to his statement read at trial, said, "Marra
rudely said, `Well, give it to me.' This was the comment that
actually pushed me over the edge." Nosler shot Marra four times,
then, according to his statement, said to himself, "Well, I can't
stop now," and continued to fire, emptying the gun.